Crazy Kitty Love

Confessions of a cat lady…..

ModCloth

Soft Serving of Style Dress

I just recently discovered ModCloth.   Holy cow!  It is like a landmine of ridiculously cute prints.  The best part is that they have ALL sizes, including plus sizes.  YES!!!   I have been eyeing this dress because of it’s totally adorable “soft serve ice cream cone print”, but so far don’t have the funds to purchase it.  They also have a super cute dress that is the same cut that is the entire galaxy.  It is out of this world (yes, I am punny)!  I also love that a lot of their dresses have pockets, which is HUGE for me because I LOVE POCKETS!  Just thought that I would share with all of you since I had never heard of them before.  🙂

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Winning.

Winning.

The prop 8 ruling was over ruled today in California! What does this mean? That all my lovely wonderful gay friends have the exact same right as I do to get married. This makes me incredibly happy. As I watched the ruling on live t.v, I will admit that I got goosebumps and tears came to my eyes (ok, ok…i admit, I am overly emotional these days…lol). I know that same people think that same sex marriage is wrong, but I think it is wonderful. This is a HUGE step in the right direction for EQUALITY!

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Engagement.

Engagement.

Today at work, I attended an engagement party for one of my co workers. She has not even been together with her fiancee for a year yet and they are set to marry in three weeks. I am trying to be happy for her and I truly am, but feel angrily bitter at the same time. I did good at the party even though I wanted to jump on the cake and scream “It’s not fair, it just isn’t fair!”….but instead i laughed and carried on like I was as happy as can be. Carrie from Sex and the City posed this question years ago & honestly I fell in love with that episode. After years and years of attending baby showers, weddings & engagement parties, Isnt it only fair that the single people of the world get a party with presents too? I am just so ready for it to be MY turn.

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Girls.

Girls.

Is anyone else addicted to HBO’s show “Girls”? I first heard about it when Lena Dunham won an Emmy and I was curious what is was all about. I just finished the first season and I started the second. I love it! I love Hannah and all of the funny comments she makes about life. For the first season, she was dating this guy Adam who was very strange, but they had such a fantastic dynamic that I ended up loving him. A lot of what goes on in this show is how I feel in general. I want to find someone that is as into me and I am to them. Like they will go to the ends of the earth to find me if I was lost and who no matter what would be by my side. He is waiting somewhere. There is a man just like myself thinking and wanting the same things, looking for me. I just know it.

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Insignificant

Insignificant

For the past week, I have been trying to pin down what exactly my problem is. I have been keeping busy going and hanging out with friends at different places. While it is nice to be out, something is just missing. I don’t feel the same. Every place seems to remind me of him and the reality of it all is that I would rather be at all of the same places with him instead of my friends trying to pretend to be happy when internally i am not. The problem is that he doesn’t feel the same way. After having a big conversation with one of my oldest friends, he informed me that I have always felt like I had to be in a relationship to feel like I matter. And it is true. I feel insignificant unless I am in a relationship. I don’t feel loved or really wanted unless I have a significant other. I hate feeling this way. I look at other couples and loathe them. I don’t feel like attending engagement parties, weddings or baby showers. I am alone. Everyone seems to have someone and there seems to be nothing worse than standing awkwardly in the corner feeling like everyone knows that I just can’t keep a frigging relationship if my life depended on it. And I have only had LONG relationships in my life. Yet when the going gets tough, or the boredom sets in, no one wants to try except for me. When did i turn into this person? I’m at a loss on how to make it better. I guess i just ride the wave and will wake up one day and just be better.

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Liar.

Liar.

While talking to my ex yesterday, I came right out and told him that he lied to me. He claims he did not lie, but just withheld the truth (same difference). He had told me from the VERY beginning that he would like to be married at some point and that he would like children. Of course now, the tables turned and he says he doesn’t want those things, BUT he had said those things to me just to make me happy. Really? Those are not “things” that you tell someone that you are in a relationship with to make them happy. Why do men do this? It wastes my time and yours. It is interesting though, because i have heard and read of men saying this before and then no sooner do they leave, they find someone else and are married within a year. Why can’t people just be honest? Communication is SO important, yet people do NOT do it! It is beyond frustrating.

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Miss you. Don’t Miss you.

Miss you. Don't Miss you.

Things I Miss about you:
• Your laugh
• Talking to you whenever I would wake up since you don’t sleep at night
• Acceptance of my body
• You saying that you love me a million times a day
• Your goofy side
• Your fun t-shirts
• Going to Disneyland with you
• Your love of Doctor Who (even though I am not a fan)
• Your love of cooking and the delicious meals that you made
• Talking about our everyday life
• Your hugs
• Your voice
• Seeing you everyday

Things I won’t Miss:
• Your love of Doctor Who
• It never being dark or quiet in the bedroom
• The high electricity bill from you always being home
• Wondering if you are telling me the truth or not
• You sleeping in until 2 or 3 pm each day.
• Your garbage all over the apartment
• Asking you to help out, only to find you have not
• Paying for most everything

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The Calling Game

The Calling Game

I have talked to my ex every day since he moved out last Friday. We are friends and we miss each other so it makes sense. However, he keeps telling me that at some point he is going to “cut me off” for awhile so he can figure our “how” to just be friends with me. He broke up with me. In NO WAY did i want this. The whole thing makes no sense to me. I feel like I am just waiting for him on any day to decide it is the perfect day to start his “no contact” rule. He says this could last a few days/weeks or months and that when he is ready, he will contact me. I do not like this. I decided that I want him to miss me and maybe if I stop contacting him, he will see this. So, today is the first day that I have not texted him or called him. My guess is that by Day 2, he “should” wonder what happened to me.
I hate this.
I miss him.
I hate feeling like I am waiting for him to call.
My heart hurts.
I am just going to have to get over this.

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I’m Impatient

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

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I want you closer.

I want you closer.

This little monkey has been sleeping smack dab in the middle of the bed since the ex moved out last week. Chewie is my youngest cat ( a little over 1 years old!) and he is such a sweet boy! He knows that something isn’t quite right and he is taking full advantage of the cuddle time that he knows that I need right now. I love my cats. They always know exactly what I need. Unconditional love- That is where it’s at!

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