Crazy Kitty Love

Confessions of a cat lady…..

Insignificant

on June 24, 2013

Insignificant

For the past week, I have been trying to pin down what exactly my problem is. I have been keeping busy going and hanging out with friends at different places. While it is nice to be out, something is just missing. I don’t feel the same. Every place seems to remind me of him and the reality of it all is that I would rather be at all of the same places with him instead of my friends trying to pretend to be happy when internally i am not. The problem is that he doesn’t feel the same way. After having a big conversation with one of my oldest friends, he informed me that I have always felt like I had to be in a relationship to feel like I matter. And it is true. I feel insignificant unless I am in a relationship. I don’t feel loved or really wanted unless I have a significant other. I hate feeling this way. I look at other couples and loathe them. I don’t feel like attending engagement parties, weddings or baby showers. I am alone. Everyone seems to have someone and there seems to be nothing worse than standing awkwardly in the corner feeling like everyone knows that I just can’t keep a frigging relationship if my life depended on it. And I have only had LONG relationships in my life. Yet when the going gets tough, or the boredom sets in, no one wants to try except for me. When did i turn into this person? I’m at a loss on how to make it better. I guess i just ride the wave and will wake up one day and just be better.

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2 responses to “Insignificant

  1. proverbsgirl says:

    So honest and brave ..

  2. elspod says:

    You are not insignificant, most definitely not in this world. You have a magnetic personality and a wonderful voice in your writing, which I’m sure transfers to reality.

    Sending smiles until the day of your wake up 🙂

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