Crazy Kitty Love

Confessions of a cat lady…..

OCD

I can’t stop watching this video. You can FEEL his passion and it is amazing!!!

Advertisements
Leave a comment »

Company.

Company.

My ex and I are having dinner tonight and he also asked if it would be okay to crash on the couch for a night or so because his uncle is in town, who he does not get along with. I know that most people would not like this, but i feel differently. Yes, he is my ex, but we are very close. We are not intimate or anything like that, but we truly like each others company. I think we both enjoy confiding in the other and we are comfortable. I have been having some low moments this week in the dating scene, so it will be really nice to be able to hang with him. He really isn’t like a lot of my other ex’s. There is no sexual energy or anything, it is just a friendship that I enjoy.

I am going to the state fair all day tomorrow with my best friend which I am excited about too! I thought we would have the whole day together, but she just told me that her boyfriend is going to come too. I don’t really know him, so I guess it will be an opportunity to see how he is really like. I just hope that I end up not being a third wheel. I will try to post pictures for all to see!

3 Comments »

This little heart of mine….

This little heart of mine....

I find myself more guarded these days. More careful and selective on who I want into my life. I’ve been hurt way too many times and I just don’t know if this heart could handle another disappointment. Sometimes I wish that I could just somehow turn off my heart emotions and only use my brain. Easier said than done. My “meet up” date the other day went well. I found myself making a mental list of things that I liked and things that I do not like. I enjoy talking to someone new, but am just not sure if it is a match or not. He likes to talk on the phone a LOT and I am just not into it. His nervous jibber jabber turns into a “talk -a- mile- a -minute” blur, to the point where I can not even understand what he is saying. However, I can not make a clear judgement quite yet. Another date is in the works. My heart still cries for my ex though. We still talk on a regular basis and I just really wish that it could have turned out differently, but I know this decision was the best one. I finally have been enjoying my alone time again with my cats and with my friends. Next week my bestie is taking the whole day off so that we can go to the state fair together. I SO need this as we have not been spending a lot of time together. Our busy lives have gotten in the way. I am healing and doing better. Accepting each day as it comes and trying new friendships out. Only time will tell what is in store for me!

3 Comments »

Moving Forward

Moving Forward

At some point, everyone, including myself, has to move on. It has been a little over a month and a half since the break up. I really have/had no intention on meeting anyone. It is funny how everyone has an opinion on the matter.

“It’s too soon”,
“be alone for awhile”
“take time”.

No one really knows how I feel or how he feels. Every break up is different and every relationship is different. I’ve been talking to someone new on the phone and through text for a few days. He wants to meet. I am terrified. I already am comparing him to my ex and being quite critical. He has passed my qualification checklist test. I think I should meet him. We could be friends, I could hate him or he could be the love of my life. But, I will never know unless I be brave, put myself out there and Move FORWARD!

3 Comments »

One of the Good Guys

One of the Good Guys

While talking to my ex on the phone yesterday, we started talking about OKCupid. It is a free dating site that we are both openly on. I actually “ran” into his profile last week. It is interesting because he continually says he does NOT want a relationship and is NOT actively looking….but there he is online lying that he is looking. Or he is lying that he isn’t looking. Regardless, I can’t fully believe anything he says so who knows what the real truth is. In talking to him, I told him that I think it is easier for men in the “dating world”. Women are more likely, in my opinion, to give a man a chance if he is overweight or not exactly what she is looking for look wise. We are more open to try different guys out. I feel men on the other hand, are not as willing to give us a chance. I’ve read a countless amount of profiles from men that say if you are overweight at all, don’t even message them. After telling my ex this, he proclaimed that all the assholes of the dating world make it really hard for the guys that are the “good guys”, meaning he is one of the good guys. I do think my ex is a nice guy, but in his relationships, he lies. He also has a hard time not talking to other women via email/chat/facebook while he is in a relationship. He also lies to make you happy and is quite selfish. Do all of these things make him one of the “good guys”? I informed him of that and also told him that he is still currently lying on his profile that he created. I have lost most hope in the dating world.  Everyone looks like a dream online, but we all know that usually isn’t the case.

6 Comments »

Mr. Wrong

Mr. Wrong

When I think about ever dating again (still not ready, but open to seeing what is out there), I think of all of my past boyfriends. A few were great, but most were wrong & truth be told, even the great ones had major flaws. I don’t know why I settle and accept certain traits about men that I do not care for. So this time around, I am being selfish and picky. Maybe I won’t find anyone, but I would rather be true to myself than to compromise my expectations. After all, I can do bad all by myself. So I have taken note of a few things that I will NOT accept & I will not even give you a second glance if you possess any of these things:

-If you are a smoker
-If you do drugs of any kind (been there, done that. I am not against marijuana use, but i do not want to be in a relationship with someone who partakes)
-You MUST have a job and live on your own. (in between jobs, going to school, living with family…I need a man that can stand on his own)
-If you are an excessive drinker you are not for me! Cocktails, yes! But if you have to get drunk every night or to feel comfortable  socially then move along.
-Excessive video game playing. I love video games too, but if you would rather sit for hours/days on end instead of going out with me, then I am not the one for you.
-If you do NOT want kids (i am not ready to close the door on the possibility just yet)
-If you do not ever want to be intimate
-If you do not believe in marriage, then you don’t believe in “us”.
-If you do not have a mode of transportation

I am worth it. I am a good catch. I have a good job, good family & a running car. I want these things in my partner and I don’t think it is too much to ask. I have accepted the fact that I could be single for a very long time looking for these things, but I don’t care. I need to feel equal to my partner and I won’t back down. 🙂

3 Comments »

I found you.

I found you.

I am not ready to date again. I just am. not. ready. My heart hurts in ways that I can’t describe. I have been here before though and I know the routine. My friend convinced me that I should go back into online dating. That is where I met my ex, but I decided to try a new site and to see what is out there. Even though I am not ready, I figure I can at least set up my profile and look to see what it out there. I guess I never know what or who I may find. In an hour of joining, I ran into my ex. He SWORE the night before that he was NOT interested in dating for a VERY long time and that he did not reactivate his online dating accounts. Well, there he was. My heart jumped, panic attack set in and I immediately started calling and texting like a maniac. My friend calmed me down and told me that overall, I had no say in the matter and that it “really” didn’t matter anyway. Awhile later, my ex called and said he had reactivated it the night before and explained that he doesn’t want to date, but that he is on there because he is “bored”. He has been so dishonest so many times before that I just don’t know what to believe. After a nights rest though, I realized, that it is out of my control. If he wants to date, then that is on him. I have my life and he has his. I just wish that I wasn’t so confused.

2 Comments »

Engagement.

Engagement.

Today at work, I attended an engagement party for one of my co workers. She has not even been together with her fiancee for a year yet and they are set to marry in three weeks. I am trying to be happy for her and I truly am, but feel angrily bitter at the same time. I did good at the party even though I wanted to jump on the cake and scream “It’s not fair, it just isn’t fair!”….but instead i laughed and carried on like I was as happy as can be. Carrie from Sex and the City posed this question years ago & honestly I fell in love with that episode. After years and years of attending baby showers, weddings & engagement parties, Isnt it only fair that the single people of the world get a party with presents too? I am just so ready for it to be MY turn.

2 Comments »

Insignificant

Insignificant

For the past week, I have been trying to pin down what exactly my problem is. I have been keeping busy going and hanging out with friends at different places. While it is nice to be out, something is just missing. I don’t feel the same. Every place seems to remind me of him and the reality of it all is that I would rather be at all of the same places with him instead of my friends trying to pretend to be happy when internally i am not. The problem is that he doesn’t feel the same way. After having a big conversation with one of my oldest friends, he informed me that I have always felt like I had to be in a relationship to feel like I matter. And it is true. I feel insignificant unless I am in a relationship. I don’t feel loved or really wanted unless I have a significant other. I hate feeling this way. I look at other couples and loathe them. I don’t feel like attending engagement parties, weddings or baby showers. I am alone. Everyone seems to have someone and there seems to be nothing worse than standing awkwardly in the corner feeling like everyone knows that I just can’t keep a frigging relationship if my life depended on it. And I have only had LONG relationships in my life. Yet when the going gets tough, or the boredom sets in, no one wants to try except for me. When did i turn into this person? I’m at a loss on how to make it better. I guess i just ride the wave and will wake up one day and just be better.

2 Comments »

Liar.

Liar.

While talking to my ex yesterday, I came right out and told him that he lied to me. He claims he did not lie, but just withheld the truth (same difference). He had told me from the VERY beginning that he would like to be married at some point and that he would like children. Of course now, the tables turned and he says he doesn’t want those things, BUT he had said those things to me just to make me happy. Really? Those are not “things” that you tell someone that you are in a relationship with to make them happy. Why do men do this? It wastes my time and yours. It is interesting though, because i have heard and read of men saying this before and then no sooner do they leave, they find someone else and are married within a year. Why can’t people just be honest? Communication is SO important, yet people do NOT do it! It is beyond frustrating.

2 Comments »