Crazy Kitty Love

Confessions of a cat lady…..

Torn

Torn

It has been awhile since I have posted. I have been busy with life. Still dating, but nothing seems to be working out. There has been one from the beginning (remember the guy that changed my tire?) that has got a grip on me. We have such a spark and connection but he can’t offer anything more than a “thing” here and there. He really does need to get his shit together because we would be great together. I feel as if I have already fallen for him, yet i am TRYING to keep an open mind. Does “Friends with Benefits” ever end up working?? I dunno. Until someone else sweeps me off of my feet I will just try and have fun. I know what i really want deep down. But maybe i just want it too much. Maybe if i step back and just try to go with the flow for once things may work in my favor. Here is to hoping anyway!

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Feeling it. (updated)

Feeling it.

I had a date last weekend with someone that I met online and had been talking to on the phone. I had not met him in person yet. So, on Saturday I was less than 10 minutes away to meeting him and my tire blew on the freeway. I called him to let him know and surprisingly he asked me where I was and said he would be there in 15 minutes. 15 minutes later, he pulled up behind my car and that is when we met for the very first time. He gave me a hug, we said hello and he proceeded to change my tire. It was so awesome! Then, I followed him the rest of the way. Since then there has been another long date, constant texts and in general I am feeling really happy. I think he feels the same. I’ve been hurt so many times, that in the back of my mind, I know he can disappear at any moment never to be heard from again. I really hope he sticks around though.

UPDATE:   One day after this post and I already got the “I’m sorry.  i need time to get my shit together” text.  Unbelievable.  I know it was too good to be true.  I swear, these guys are artists in the rarest of forms!

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Turning the Other Cheek

Turning the Other Cheek

As I was browsing through profiles on my dating site, I stopped at one man in particular. Staring back at me was a husband of a girl that I went to high school with. We used to be friends in high school and now we are “facebook friends”. I couldn’t believe it. His profile said he was “separated” and there were current pictures of him on there. I immediately sent her best friend a message on facebook since I figured that she would take it better from her friend that talks to her on a regular. A few hours later, I received a message from her friend saying that the profile was “fake” and someone created it without him knowing. Now, I wasn’t born yesterday and I certainly know a lie/excuse when I hear one, but i said to myself that my job was done, I let a sister know and I went on with my business. A few days have passed and the girl who’s husband was online updated her face book status with a few very mean, choice words obviously pointed at me. So, I messaged her asking her. She played dumb, but then she told me something very interesting. She told me that her and a friend thought it was funny and created a “fake” profile for her husband awhile back. Hilarious, right?? I beg to differ. Do people realize that there are legitimate women and men on these sites trying to find relationships? I find it to be very childish and ridiculous to create a FAKE profile for anyone. I decided to delete her from facebook and I blocked her to boot. I don’t need negative people in my life. I also don’t need “friends” who think it is funny to mess with others. Shame on her.

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Company.

Company.

My ex and I are having dinner tonight and he also asked if it would be okay to crash on the couch for a night or so because his uncle is in town, who he does not get along with. I know that most people would not like this, but i feel differently. Yes, he is my ex, but we are very close. We are not intimate or anything like that, but we truly like each others company. I think we both enjoy confiding in the other and we are comfortable. I have been having some low moments this week in the dating scene, so it will be really nice to be able to hang with him. He really isn’t like a lot of my other ex’s. There is no sexual energy or anything, it is just a friendship that I enjoy.

I am going to the state fair all day tomorrow with my best friend which I am excited about too! I thought we would have the whole day together, but she just told me that her boyfriend is going to come too. I don’t really know him, so I guess it will be an opportunity to see how he is really like. I just hope that I end up not being a third wheel. I will try to post pictures for all to see!

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I’m a Loner, Dottie

I'm a Loner, Dottie

It is interesting how different I am when I am in a relationship Vs Single. When I am in a relationship, I am an intense planner. I like to know when, where, why and how we are going somewhere. I guess it is my way of always having a connection with my partner. When I am single, I like to play it by ear. I do make plans, but then sometimes regret it because I would rather be alone when the day arrives. I also like to leave myself completely open in case my mind changes or I want to go elsewhere on a whim. When I am single, I also have realized that I really love to go to movies all by myself. I can pick the movie I want. I don’t have to wait for anyone else to arrive and I can eat my popcorn in peace. I really DO enjoy being in a relationship and I really DO enjoy doing things with my friends when I am in the mood. But sometimes, I DO just like being alone enjoying my own company.
I’m a Loner, Dottie, A Rebel.

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Insignificant

Insignificant

For the past week, I have been trying to pin down what exactly my problem is. I have been keeping busy going and hanging out with friends at different places. While it is nice to be out, something is just missing. I don’t feel the same. Every place seems to remind me of him and the reality of it all is that I would rather be at all of the same places with him instead of my friends trying to pretend to be happy when internally i am not. The problem is that he doesn’t feel the same way. After having a big conversation with one of my oldest friends, he informed me that I have always felt like I had to be in a relationship to feel like I matter. And it is true. I feel insignificant unless I am in a relationship. I don’t feel loved or really wanted unless I have a significant other. I hate feeling this way. I look at other couples and loathe them. I don’t feel like attending engagement parties, weddings or baby showers. I am alone. Everyone seems to have someone and there seems to be nothing worse than standing awkwardly in the corner feeling like everyone knows that I just can’t keep a frigging relationship if my life depended on it. And I have only had LONG relationships in my life. Yet when the going gets tough, or the boredom sets in, no one wants to try except for me. When did i turn into this person? I’m at a loss on how to make it better. I guess i just ride the wave and will wake up one day and just be better.

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Gone

Gone

It is funny how life changes at the drop of a hat. One day, I was in a seemingly happy relationship and the next day he is gone. This break up is especially hard since there is no fighting involved. It doesn’t help that I did not want this break up and to be honest, I am not sure why he did either. Sure, we had our problems, but who doesn’t? We rarely fought and did everything together. We are best friends. Regardless of all the why, who, how’s and if’s that are running through my head, one obvious fact remains: I am single. Again. For the past three days, I have woken up alone. I chat with my cats, but man, it is LONELY when one is faced with living alone again. This whole weekend was a blur, but I did manage to buck up and force myself to go to the Nor California Pirates festival. My sister and her family were going and my friend met me there too. It definitely took my mind off of things for a few hours. I just need to learn how to be single again and how to treat my best friend like a best friend and not a lover. It is so hard when all I want is him here.

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Taking It to the Streets

Taking It to the Streets

Do you ever feel like you will talk to just about anyone that is willing to listen to your problems? I do. I am not picky. I just want to relate to other people in most any way that I can. I am not looking to change or looking for pity or jealousy. I am human. I have problems. I have highs and lows. Who doesn’t? I also love to hear what others have to say. I can talk to just about anyone and I feel like I always have relatively good advice, even though I sometimes do not listen to the advice that I give. I have learned a lot talking to other people. Sometimes a simple conversation has even swayed my whole opinion on something that I thought I felt strongly about. I like the idea that this man had in the picture above. Maybe he is just like me. He wants to hear and to be heard.

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Friend Makin’ Mondays

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Summer has arrived and with that comes the HEAT (which I, personally, hate).  HOWEVER, so far we have been lucky with rain for the last few days.   I always seem to be late with Friend Making Mondays, but better late, than never…right???    Visit Kenlie over at AllTheWeigh to play too!!!

Summer Fun

1.  What is your favorite summer fruit? I really like strawberries as long as they are sweet!  So yummy and fresh.  Plus there are a million things that you can do with them!

2.  Do you know how to swim?  Yes, I grew up with a swimming pool in my back yard and I LOVE to swim!  There is a small pool at the complex that I reside in, however there are always kids around so it deters me from going out there *tear*.

3.  Do you prefer sun or snow?   That is a TOUGH one because I hate extreme sun and am not a fan of snow….but I suppose if I have to choose, the sun would be my choice.

4.  What temperature do you like most inside your home?  I keep the thermostat around 72-75.  I would prefer it even cooler, but the bill just gets too expensive.

5.  Is it humid where you live?  Nope.  Not at all.  It gets hot in Sacramento, but the humidity stays away for the most part.

6. What is your favorite food to put on the grill?  I really like burgers and burned hot dogs.  🙂

7. Do you prefer to wear a one-piece  or two-piece swim suit?  I’ve never in my life owned a bikini, but i do wear a tankini.  It is easier to go to the bathroom that way when my suit is wet 🙂

8.  What is your favorite summer drink?  Margaritas on the rocks please!

9.  Do you prefer the pool or the ocean?  I love both….I just love the water! (stolen from Kenlie, but my answer is the same)

10.  What are you looking forward to most over the summer?  I am looking forward to going to the beach, the state fair and taking some day trips.  I am ADDICTED to Lake Tahoe at the moment.

 

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