Crazy Kitty Love

Confessions of a cat lady…..

Chasing Love- updated

Chasing Love

I’ve been quiet lately, I know. I just figured that there will be times i blog and times i don’t. But overall, I tend to blog about love and broken hearts.

About 3 weeks ago, I met a new guy. He is great and we clicked almost immediately…however, I just wasn’t really attracted to him. After our first date, I told him that I wasn’t ready to kiss and wanted to take it slow. This is unusual for me. We texted a LOT day and night, but i still kept my distance a tad in saying anything too forward. After a few dates, we kissed and a little more, but still no sex. I kept my word that I wasn’t ready. He really liked me, I could tell and I started to become a lot more attracted to him. Every morning at 7:40, he sends me a good morning text. I really like this guy. He was married before, has a child, has lost a ton of weight, so I knew that he had life experiences that were good and that HE is a good person. Last week, sex just happened. A few days later, he got sick, then had a fight with his roomie and his daughter was coming in town. He is beyond stressed. Then 7:40 came and left with no text. Texts became less and less. A day has not gone by where we didn’t communicate, but it was still noticeably less. When he has his daughter all of his time is devoted to her, so I knew we wouldn’t really see each other over the weekend. So….last night we talked on the phone for awhile and i addressed all of my concerns. He says that he has a lot of his plate and is super stressed and that we had sex too soon and he is freaking out a bit. What does that EVEN mean?? I put up such a wall at first. I almost feel like I just can’t win when it comes to the whole sex thing. He is one of those people who shuts everyone out when he is stressed about stuff, so he said he isn’t quite sure when he would be ready to see me again. But then we also started talking about future plans and how i would meet his daughter one day. This is all so very confusing to me. I really like this guy now. It is funny how when i was aloof and unsure, he was chasing me like a maniac and the minute i had a change of heart to really let him in, he has backed away. This whole cat and mouse game is something that I’ve yet to master.

UPDATE-  Well, i just got the infamous ” I can only offer friendship at this time” text message.  What the fuck!?    Is this my CURSE?   SUCH a disappointment.

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Torn

Torn

It has been awhile since I have posted. I have been busy with life. Still dating, but nothing seems to be working out. There has been one from the beginning (remember the guy that changed my tire?) that has got a grip on me. We have such a spark and connection but he can’t offer anything more than a “thing” here and there. He really does need to get his shit together because we would be great together. I feel as if I have already fallen for him, yet i am TRYING to keep an open mind. Does “Friends with Benefits” ever end up working?? I dunno. Until someone else sweeps me off of my feet I will just try and have fun. I know what i really want deep down. But maybe i just want it too much. Maybe if i step back and just try to go with the flow for once things may work in my favor. Here is to hoping anyway!

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Bronte

I pulled out my GOTYE CD again the other day. I used to listen to it non stop. This song gets me EVERY TIME. I cried this morning on the way to work. Pretty much any time i listen to it, it makes me sad. Listen to the words. I seen an interview where they explain the meaning behind it. It is about a friend that had to put their dog to sleep. I think of my cats every time i hear it. The song itself is really pretty. I just love it.

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Age

Age

Let’s call the new guy “26”, because that is how old he is. I am 37. Initially when he messaged me on the dating website saying that he was interested in me, I sent a very polite “thanks, but no thanks” back to him. I told him that he was so much younger than me and out of my age range. He continued to message me telling me how much he was interested in getting to know me. A week went by of messages. He was charming, so I agreed to meet for coffee. From the minute he walked in the door, I liked him. He was quirky, fun and talked really fast. He swears, like everyone else, that I am not 37. Most people peg me to be around 30. I’ll take it. I can be immature, wear funky mis-matched clothes, make inappropriate jokes and tend to be on the odd side. I can also act my age, if need be. I’ve seen him 3 times since and we are supposed to go to San Francisco on Friday to the zoo, which we both seem really excited about. I am not holding my breath. I’ve been screwed over so many times that I just wait for the crappy text about “needing more time” or “I’m not ready” or “you aren’t the one”. They always come. But eventually one person will stick. They won’t send that message and will have no intention on doing so. I want that so bad. I want to be wanted. I want someone to be around me as much as I enjoy being around them. Eventually, it will happen.  Until then, I will just enjoy this.  Meeting new people & having interesting stories to relay to my friends.  🙂

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OCD

I can’t stop watching this video. You can FEEL his passion and it is amazing!!!

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Catfish- David Scott

Catfish- David Scott

if you haven’t seen the documentary Catfish,  then you must! It is a daters nightmare and I fear has become quite popular. They even made an MTV show after it. After doing some research 1 out of 10 internet dating profiles are FAKE. This is a scary thought. Who is out there?

For the past few days, a guy named David Scott has been messaging me from a dating site. He then asked for my yahoo messenger so that he could message me there. He is 35 and pretty cute. He lost his wife in a car crash two years prior and has two children living with their grandma. He says he is a contractor and travels a lot. His biggest and most unusual job was in Dubai where he stayed for 3 months. He lives in Seattle, Washington. When i explained to him that I was only looking for a local relationship, he insisted that we just get to know each. Something about him just wasn’t right. He sent more pictures to me of him since I said there was only two. He ended every sentence with “cutie” or “beautiful” though, which to me sent red flags that he wasn’t really using it properly and maybe English was a secondary language. Another red flag is that he said he is “over” his wife that had died. You don’t just get “over” something like that. Anyway, he kept saying how I brighten his days and blah blah blah. Honestly, I thought he was more annoying than anything. He asked for my phone number to text me and I declined because I just could not put my finger on what was wrong. After our online chat last night, I did a simple search. He is from Nigeria. SAME story he told me, he tells others in different variations. Basically after months or years of stringing someone along he eventually asks for money and scams the hell out of you. These women ACTUALLY gave him money. I would NEVER, EVER do that!
It is an interesting story and my first experience with a dating scammer. It is a crazy world out there!

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This little heart of mine….

This little heart of mine....

I find myself more guarded these days. More careful and selective on who I want into my life. I’ve been hurt way too many times and I just don’t know if this heart could handle another disappointment. Sometimes I wish that I could just somehow turn off my heart emotions and only use my brain. Easier said than done. My “meet up” date the other day went well. I found myself making a mental list of things that I liked and things that I do not like. I enjoy talking to someone new, but am just not sure if it is a match or not. He likes to talk on the phone a LOT and I am just not into it. His nervous jibber jabber turns into a “talk -a- mile- a -minute” blur, to the point where I can not even understand what he is saying. However, I can not make a clear judgement quite yet. Another date is in the works. My heart still cries for my ex though. We still talk on a regular basis and I just really wish that it could have turned out differently, but I know this decision was the best one. I finally have been enjoying my alone time again with my cats and with my friends. Next week my bestie is taking the whole day off so that we can go to the state fair together. I SO need this as we have not been spending a lot of time together. Our busy lives have gotten in the way. I am healing and doing better. Accepting each day as it comes and trying new friendships out. Only time will tell what is in store for me!

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Moving Forward

Moving Forward

At some point, everyone, including myself, has to move on. It has been a little over a month and a half since the break up. I really have/had no intention on meeting anyone. It is funny how everyone has an opinion on the matter.

“It’s too soon”,
“be alone for awhile”
“take time”.

No one really knows how I feel or how he feels. Every break up is different and every relationship is different. I’ve been talking to someone new on the phone and through text for a few days. He wants to meet. I am terrified. I already am comparing him to my ex and being quite critical. He has passed my qualification checklist test. I think I should meet him. We could be friends, I could hate him or he could be the love of my life. But, I will never know unless I be brave, put myself out there and Move FORWARD!

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I’m a Loner, Dottie

I'm a Loner, Dottie

It is interesting how different I am when I am in a relationship Vs Single. When I am in a relationship, I am an intense planner. I like to know when, where, why and how we are going somewhere. I guess it is my way of always having a connection with my partner. When I am single, I like to play it by ear. I do make plans, but then sometimes regret it because I would rather be alone when the day arrives. I also like to leave myself completely open in case my mind changes or I want to go elsewhere on a whim. When I am single, I also have realized that I really love to go to movies all by myself. I can pick the movie I want. I don’t have to wait for anyone else to arrive and I can eat my popcorn in peace. I really DO enjoy being in a relationship and I really DO enjoy doing things with my friends when I am in the mood. But sometimes, I DO just like being alone enjoying my own company.
I’m a Loner, Dottie, A Rebel.

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One of the Good Guys

One of the Good Guys

While talking to my ex on the phone yesterday, we started talking about OKCupid. It is a free dating site that we are both openly on. I actually “ran” into his profile last week. It is interesting because he continually says he does NOT want a relationship and is NOT actively looking….but there he is online lying that he is looking. Or he is lying that he isn’t looking. Regardless, I can’t fully believe anything he says so who knows what the real truth is. In talking to him, I told him that I think it is easier for men in the “dating world”. Women are more likely, in my opinion, to give a man a chance if he is overweight or not exactly what she is looking for look wise. We are more open to try different guys out. I feel men on the other hand, are not as willing to give us a chance. I’ve read a countless amount of profiles from men that say if you are overweight at all, don’t even message them. After telling my ex this, he proclaimed that all the assholes of the dating world make it really hard for the guys that are the “good guys”, meaning he is one of the good guys. I do think my ex is a nice guy, but in his relationships, he lies. He also has a hard time not talking to other women via email/chat/facebook while he is in a relationship. He also lies to make you happy and is quite selfish. Do all of these things make him one of the “good guys”? I informed him of that and also told him that he is still currently lying on his profile that he created. I have lost most hope in the dating world.  Everyone looks like a dream online, but we all know that usually isn’t the case.

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