Crazy Kitty Love

Confessions of a cat lady…..

Chasing Love- updated

Chasing Love

I’ve been quiet lately, I know. I just figured that there will be times i blog and times i don’t. But overall, I tend to blog about love and broken hearts.

About 3 weeks ago, I met a new guy. He is great and we clicked almost immediately…however, I just wasn’t really attracted to him. After our first date, I told him that I wasn’t ready to kiss and wanted to take it slow. This is unusual for me. We texted a LOT day and night, but i still kept my distance a tad in saying anything too forward. After a few dates, we kissed and a little more, but still no sex. I kept my word that I wasn’t ready. He really liked me, I could tell and I started to become a lot more attracted to him. Every morning at 7:40, he sends me a good morning text. I really like this guy. He was married before, has a child, has lost a ton of weight, so I knew that he had life experiences that were good and that HE is a good person. Last week, sex just happened. A few days later, he got sick, then had a fight with his roomie and his daughter was coming in town. He is beyond stressed. Then 7:40 came and left with no text. Texts became less and less. A day has not gone by where we didn’t communicate, but it was still noticeably less. When he has his daughter all of his time is devoted to her, so I knew we wouldn’t really see each other over the weekend. So….last night we talked on the phone for awhile and i addressed all of my concerns. He says that he has a lot of his plate and is super stressed and that we had sex too soon and he is freaking out a bit. What does that EVEN mean?? I put up such a wall at first. I almost feel like I just can’t win when it comes to the whole sex thing. He is one of those people who shuts everyone out when he is stressed about stuff, so he said he isn’t quite sure when he would be ready to see me again. But then we also started talking about future plans and how i would meet his daughter one day. This is all so very confusing to me. I really like this guy now. It is funny how when i was aloof and unsure, he was chasing me like a maniac and the minute i had a change of heart to really let him in, he has backed away. This whole cat and mouse game is something that I’ve yet to master.

UPDATE-  Well, i just got the infamous ” I can only offer friendship at this time” text message.  What the fuck!?    Is this my CURSE?   SUCH a disappointment.

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For me.

For me.

There are very few times that I make large purchases, especially for myself. I bend over backwards to help my partners when i am in a relationship & if i am being honest, I should NEVER have to buy them something. But I have dated some needy men, most without jobs and whom take advantage of me. So, in this time of being single, I am trying to take care of me! I really have been wanting a new couch for awhile and I’ve been eyeing this one for quite some time. So, i bought it. I saved my money and walked in a purchased myself a couch and it FEELS GREAT! I had to order it, so i don’t exactly have it in my possession yet, but i will soon enough. Yay for me!

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Age

Age

Let’s call the new guy “26”, because that is how old he is. I am 37. Initially when he messaged me on the dating website saying that he was interested in me, I sent a very polite “thanks, but no thanks” back to him. I told him that he was so much younger than me and out of my age range. He continued to message me telling me how much he was interested in getting to know me. A week went by of messages. He was charming, so I agreed to meet for coffee. From the minute he walked in the door, I liked him. He was quirky, fun and talked really fast. He swears, like everyone else, that I am not 37. Most people peg me to be around 30. I’ll take it. I can be immature, wear funky mis-matched clothes, make inappropriate jokes and tend to be on the odd side. I can also act my age, if need be. I’ve seen him 3 times since and we are supposed to go to San Francisco on Friday to the zoo, which we both seem really excited about. I am not holding my breath. I’ve been screwed over so many times that I just wait for the crappy text about “needing more time” or “I’m not ready” or “you aren’t the one”. They always come. But eventually one person will stick. They won’t send that message and will have no intention on doing so. I want that so bad. I want to be wanted. I want someone to be around me as much as I enjoy being around them. Eventually, it will happen.  Until then, I will just enjoy this.  Meeting new people & having interesting stories to relay to my friends.  🙂

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Feeling it. (updated)

Feeling it.

I had a date last weekend with someone that I met online and had been talking to on the phone. I had not met him in person yet. So, on Saturday I was less than 10 minutes away to meeting him and my tire blew on the freeway. I called him to let him know and surprisingly he asked me where I was and said he would be there in 15 minutes. 15 minutes later, he pulled up behind my car and that is when we met for the very first time. He gave me a hug, we said hello and he proceeded to change my tire. It was so awesome! Then, I followed him the rest of the way. Since then there has been another long date, constant texts and in general I am feeling really happy. I think he feels the same. I’ve been hurt so many times, that in the back of my mind, I know he can disappear at any moment never to be heard from again. I really hope he sticks around though.

UPDATE:   One day after this post and I already got the “I’m sorry.  i need time to get my shit together” text.  Unbelievable.  I know it was too good to be true.  I swear, these guys are artists in the rarest of forms!

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The word of the day is Pulchritudinous!

The word of the day is Pulchritudinous!

Pulchritudinous

It is an adjective and it used to describe a person beyond beautiful, the next level above gorgeous, someone that even Aphrodite would envy. To a person who doesn’t know the meaning of this word may think at first is that it is a vulgar word and a not nice thing to say. But they are wrong, it is actually the opposite. This word is bloody difficult to say! Only the skilled and boldest can use it very charming. When someone uses this word a shooting star falls from the sky, a phoenix is reborn and an unicorn mates.

This word originated from a man that was totally into this girl, but she has been called cute, hot, sexy, gorgeous, beautiful and even sexy. And when she hear this man call her very attractive, she compared him to the rest. The man had perseverance and refuse to give up his love to this women. He then used his litterateur skills and thought of a word that can describe his feelings one sentence. Pulchritudinous. He said it one night to the girl when she was going to bed. He said ask for the meaning of the word when you are ready. The women sat at nights thinking of the word but gave up and told the man she is ready….It touched her heart even if the word did not sound like a harmony but the meaning and what was inside the word is what it all counts.

pəl-krə-ˈtüd-nəs, -ˈtyüd-; -ˈtü-dən-əs, -ˈtyü

I just received a message on my dating site that said:
That smile, those eyes & those curves. Pulchritudinous!

Wow. What a nice comment, pick up line or whatever you want to call it! I will take the ego boost for the day! Too bad he lives in Los Angeles!

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Hi! Want to have my baby?

Hi, I'm Heidi.  Want to have my baby?

The dating world is definitely an interesting one. I have been going on a few dates with the same guy, who seems pretty nice, when a very interesting topic came up. Kids. Most guys will run at the thought of even talking about children. He said that he is 41 and he would really like a child at some point, I agreed and said that I would to. But then i followed it up with saying this.

me- Yeah, but what do you do…introduce yourself and say “lets have kids”?

him- Why not? I don’t see a problem with that if that is what you want and that is what I want. Why can’t two people who are near the end of their child bearing stage, who knows exactly what they want express that to each other?

me- So, you would be perfectly ok if i looked at you right now and asked do you want to have a child with me?

him- Yes, absolutely, because that is what i want too.

WHOA! Wow…. um… what do i say to this? I totally understand his point. No time to waste….but how scary is that? I’ve been pondering over the entire conversation all weekend long. I just do not even know how to process it. I don’t even know this person yet. Is this what dating when you are older is like? Fast decision making before the time has passed? *sigh*

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This little heart of mine….

This little heart of mine....

I find myself more guarded these days. More careful and selective on who I want into my life. I’ve been hurt way too many times and I just don’t know if this heart could handle another disappointment. Sometimes I wish that I could just somehow turn off my heart emotions and only use my brain. Easier said than done. My “meet up” date the other day went well. I found myself making a mental list of things that I liked and things that I do not like. I enjoy talking to someone new, but am just not sure if it is a match or not. He likes to talk on the phone a LOT and I am just not into it. His nervous jibber jabber turns into a “talk -a- mile- a -minute” blur, to the point where I can not even understand what he is saying. However, I can not make a clear judgement quite yet. Another date is in the works. My heart still cries for my ex though. We still talk on a regular basis and I just really wish that it could have turned out differently, but I know this decision was the best one. I finally have been enjoying my alone time again with my cats and with my friends. Next week my bestie is taking the whole day off so that we can go to the state fair together. I SO need this as we have not been spending a lot of time together. Our busy lives have gotten in the way. I am healing and doing better. Accepting each day as it comes and trying new friendships out. Only time will tell what is in store for me!

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I’m a Loner, Dottie

I'm a Loner, Dottie

It is interesting how different I am when I am in a relationship Vs Single. When I am in a relationship, I am an intense planner. I like to know when, where, why and how we are going somewhere. I guess it is my way of always having a connection with my partner. When I am single, I like to play it by ear. I do make plans, but then sometimes regret it because I would rather be alone when the day arrives. I also like to leave myself completely open in case my mind changes or I want to go elsewhere on a whim. When I am single, I also have realized that I really love to go to movies all by myself. I can pick the movie I want. I don’t have to wait for anyone else to arrive and I can eat my popcorn in peace. I really DO enjoy being in a relationship and I really DO enjoy doing things with my friends when I am in the mood. But sometimes, I DO just like being alone enjoying my own company.
I’m a Loner, Dottie, A Rebel.

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One of the Good Guys

One of the Good Guys

While talking to my ex on the phone yesterday, we started talking about OKCupid. It is a free dating site that we are both openly on. I actually “ran” into his profile last week. It is interesting because he continually says he does NOT want a relationship and is NOT actively looking….but there he is online lying that he is looking. Or he is lying that he isn’t looking. Regardless, I can’t fully believe anything he says so who knows what the real truth is. In talking to him, I told him that I think it is easier for men in the “dating world”. Women are more likely, in my opinion, to give a man a chance if he is overweight or not exactly what she is looking for look wise. We are more open to try different guys out. I feel men on the other hand, are not as willing to give us a chance. I’ve read a countless amount of profiles from men that say if you are overweight at all, don’t even message them. After telling my ex this, he proclaimed that all the assholes of the dating world make it really hard for the guys that are the “good guys”, meaning he is one of the good guys. I do think my ex is a nice guy, but in his relationships, he lies. He also has a hard time not talking to other women via email/chat/facebook while he is in a relationship. He also lies to make you happy and is quite selfish. Do all of these things make him one of the “good guys”? I informed him of that and also told him that he is still currently lying on his profile that he created. I have lost most hope in the dating world.  Everyone looks like a dream online, but we all know that usually isn’t the case.

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Mr. Wrong

Mr. Wrong

When I think about ever dating again (still not ready, but open to seeing what is out there), I think of all of my past boyfriends. A few were great, but most were wrong & truth be told, even the great ones had major flaws. I don’t know why I settle and accept certain traits about men that I do not care for. So this time around, I am being selfish and picky. Maybe I won’t find anyone, but I would rather be true to myself than to compromise my expectations. After all, I can do bad all by myself. So I have taken note of a few things that I will NOT accept & I will not even give you a second glance if you possess any of these things:

-If you are a smoker
-If you do drugs of any kind (been there, done that. I am not against marijuana use, but i do not want to be in a relationship with someone who partakes)
-You MUST have a job and live on your own. (in between jobs, going to school, living with family…I need a man that can stand on his own)
-If you are an excessive drinker you are not for me! Cocktails, yes! But if you have to get drunk every night or to feel comfortable  socially then move along.
-Excessive video game playing. I love video games too, but if you would rather sit for hours/days on end instead of going out with me, then I am not the one for you.
-If you do NOT want kids (i am not ready to close the door on the possibility just yet)
-If you do not ever want to be intimate
-If you do not believe in marriage, then you don’t believe in “us”.
-If you do not have a mode of transportation

I am worth it. I am a good catch. I have a good job, good family & a running car. I want these things in my partner and I don’t think it is too much to ask. I have accepted the fact that I could be single for a very long time looking for these things, but I don’t care. I need to feel equal to my partner and I won’t back down. 🙂

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