Crazy Kitty Love

Confessions of a cat lady…..

Don’t Get Too Skinny

skinny

Most people that I have told about my upcoming surgery have been supportive.  I have had a few people say “oh….that’s cool, but don’t get too skinny“.    I have always been a big girl & was shopping in the Pretty Plus section at Sears as a little girl.  I don’t know how it is to be skinny, as I have never been small.  I currently weigh 301 lbs, my heaviest weight being 330 lbs.    It’s not that i don’t like the way that i look now, but i want to be healthier.  I want to be able to cross my legs, sit in chairs and ride rides without worry.   I like the way 200 lbs looks on people, but even that it considered overweight.   Currently, I am afraid of not being able to hide behind myself and my weight jokes and I am also afraid of losing my big boobs.  lol…I’ve always been a “curves are better” type of girl.   BUT STILL, I can’t imagine myself any smaller that 200 lbs.

But what if i do?

Would being 165 or 150 lbs kill me?  Would i be unattractive?   Would my husband be disappointed?

NO, probably not.

But I would be healthier than i am now.  Isn’t that the end goal anyway?

I must learn to love myself on this journey at any size.

Advertisements
2 Comments »

Hair Loss Anxiety

cat wig

I know that one of the heartbreaking things that “can” happen to weight loss surgery patients is hair loss.  Apparently it is only temporary and lasts about 3 months.  I am not sure what the statistics are as to how many patients actually experience this, but the thought of my hair thinning is horrifying to me.   I have baby fine hair as it is.  It isn’t thick to begin with and I just am scared that I will look like that creature from Lord of the rings….My precious.  Boo!   I have thought that if it “does” happen to me, I can look into getting a weave, wearing head bands or rocking some wigs.   Maybe I can just get super funky brightly colored wigs and not giving a care to what others think.   It is supposed to only be temporary, but I just that it doesn’t happen to me.  I guess getting healthier does have some drawbacks!

3 Comments »

8.4 Pounds = A Human Head

human head

I attended my group nutrition class today & was weighed prior.  It was my first “weigh in” since my surgeon appointment & I lost 8.4 pounds!   That is the equivalent to a human head.   I’ve been doing pretty well and eating right, tracking and exercise in this past week…so I was really hoping for a good loss.   I am about 12 pounds away from being able to finish everything that I need to do before surgery (psych appt, labs, EKG,final review with nurse, etc).  I can’t believe that everything is moving so rapidly.  I don’t want to have surgery until January, but we will see how fast this weight can come off.   I have two Disneyland trips coming up where I’ve decided that I won’t log or worry about what i eat.  I walk a million miles in those days and it isn’t very often that I have “free days” anymore, so i am ok with that.

In our nutrition class today there were a few people that just irked the hell out of me.  One woman seemed to just think the class revolved around her and would not stop talking.  I think in the two hours that we were there, we learned her weight, what meds she takes and her entire medical history.   I really am not fond of group activities as I find myself bothered my the idiots that try to ruin it for everyone else.

2 Comments »

5 day streak of eating right PLUS exercise…. WHO AM I?

eating

Wouldn’t that be nice!???

I made it through a work week WHOLE WORK WEEK staying on plan and eating right.  Not once did i go over my 1200 calorie limit!   I also walked with my co workers to our Leslie Sansone walking videos at least once, sometimes twice a day.  All of this and i didn’t die!  LOL   This week I feel pretty good.  I see the scale slowly going in the right direction and I actually feel that i CAN DO THIS!   On Monday, I have my first nutrition appointment.  I find it odd that this is a group appointment, but maybe it is so that we can all bounce off one another and ask questions that maybe we wouldn’t ask on our own.  I hope to do well this weekend and really try to stick with my plan as much as possible.  I am hoping for a loss when I weigh in on Monday.

1 Comment »

Excited or Scared?

scared

I have had a few friends ask me if I am excited for my surgery that’ll happen most likely in the beginning of the new year.   YES, I am Excited for lots of reasons:

  • losing weight
  • being able to shop at most stores
  • sitting on the floor, sitting cross legged & Indian style
  • Being able to exercise more
  • being healthier
  • not worrying about sitting in chairs with arms or the dreaded plastic picnic chairs
  • fitting more comfortably in an airline seat
  • not having to worry if i will fit on rides

The list goes on & on……  but I am also Scared.

  • loose skin.  How bad will it be?
  • It is a major surgery (i’ve never had a surgery or been in the hospital)
  • Complications
  • not being able to eat & the mental drain

I think the benefits outweigh the negatives for sure & i am definitely excited.  January seems so far away, but for insurance purposes, it makes the most sense.   3 months isnt really very long at all & i still need to lose 19 lbs before my surgeon will do it.    LOTS of time to get excited!!!

1 Comment »

I am a wife now

Just-Married-1440x1280

With all of the excitement of my weight loss surgery on the horizon, I forgot to mention to my blog that I got married.   August 22, 2015 we drove up to Reno & made a commitment to each other.   We were just going to go alone, but my best friend and her boyfriend ending up coming too!   Dreams of a large wedding & our families being there were awesome…but the stress & the ticket price that went along with those dreams just weren’t worth it to me.   We have been together a little under two years & just felt that we wanted to do it as low key & as low priced as possible.  So, we did just that.  We laughed through the entire speech that came before our vows.  I think we are both nervous gigglers, so it was funny.

I am a wife now & I have a husband but I think it still hasn’t sank it quite yet.  It is very surreal as it seems like this is what i have wanted most of my life.  I think the strangest thing is my name change.  It is odd to go 39 years with an identity & then with minutes, a new identity is mine.   Signing my name looks like a toddler wrote it.   But overall, I love my husband and am glad that we decided to take this step.

3 Comments »

Mind Games of Hunger

hungry-bot

Every time I start a new diet  new way of eating, I feel like I am starving to death!   Clearly, I am not…but the feelings are so overwhelming.  I just want to stick anything in my mouth without having to worry about the nutritional value of it.  I know that these are mind tricks that my cruel brain has conjured up to tempt me.  The amount of times that I think about food in one day is ridiculous.  The hardest part of this journey will be mentally for sure.   The old Korn song A.D.I.D.A.S (all day i dream about sex) has been non stop in my head, but replace sex with food.

A.D.I D.A.F

All Day, I dream about food and all day i dream about food.

Anyway, this 1200 calorie thing has made it through the week so far and I plan of keeping it up.  I just hope that i see some results.  On sunday, i am going to pre plan my meals for the work week and follow the exact Kaiser guidelines of Protein, Non starchy veg, fruit and 1 fat & see how that plays on.   I am 19 lbs away from surgery.

Leave a comment »

Weight Loss Surgery- Step 1 Informational Seminar

weight-loss_o_3675197

About 6 years ago, I attended a weight loss surgery seminar at Kaiser and left thinking it was not for me.   Last night, I attended one again and am convinced at this time that it is a very good option for me.  I joined a support group not that long ago on Facebook and love that I can see all different aspects of folks experiences Pre Op and Post Op and love all of their encouraging photos on their weight loss.   Weight loss surgery is NOT the easy way out by any means.  There is a lot of work involved every step of the way.  My next step is to attend a 4 hour orientation which i hope to have scheduled soon once my Doctor sends over the referral.  I am very interested in having the gastric sleeve procedure done and am hoping that my surgeon agrees and that I get approved through my insurance.  I will have to lose about 30 lbs prior on my own and have extensive classes before I will get to a surgery date.  It is very scary as I am relatively healthy and have never had any type of surgery done before.  But at the same time, it is very exciting to possibly have a tool to really help me lose the weight and to keep it off.  I will keep this blog updated every step of the way !

Leave a comment »