Crazy Kitty Love

Confessions of a cat lady…..

Turning the Other Cheek

Turning the Other Cheek

As I was browsing through profiles on my dating site, I stopped at one man in particular. Staring back at me was a husband of a girl that I went to high school with. We used to be friends in high school and now we are “facebook friends”. I couldn’t believe it. His profile said he was “separated” and there were current pictures of him on there. I immediately sent her best friend a message on facebook since I figured that she would take it better from her friend that talks to her on a regular. A few hours later, I received a message from her friend saying that the profile was “fake” and someone created it without him knowing. Now, I wasn’t born yesterday and I certainly know a lie/excuse when I hear one, but i said to myself that my job was done, I let a sister know and I went on with my business. A few days have passed and the girl who’s husband was online updated her face book status with a few very mean, choice words obviously pointed at me. So, I messaged her asking her. She played dumb, but then she told me something very interesting. She told me that her and a friend thought it was funny and created a “fake” profile for her husband awhile back. Hilarious, right?? I beg to differ. Do people realize that there are legitimate women and men on these sites trying to find relationships? I find it to be very childish and ridiculous to create a FAKE profile for anyone. I decided to delete her from facebook and I blocked her to boot. I don’t need negative people in my life. I also don’t need “friends” who think it is funny to mess with others. Shame on her.

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Finding Youth

Finding Youth

I am 37 years old. By no means, do I find this old….but I am no longer a teen, or in my 20’s….considering all jokes aside, it is very likely that I am middle aged. I do not feel old, hell half of the time I STILL feel like I am in my 20s. Online dating is starting to give me a whole new perspective on “things”. Oddly enough, the average age that I am coming across in men looking for women (on my site anyway) seem to be between 32-34 and age 44 and above. 44 seems to be on the higher spectrum of what I am looking for. I dated someone ten years older before and I just thought the difference was “too” much for myself. My last boyfriend was 33 and while that was an ok age, I really wish I could find someone right at the same age as me give or take a few years. I’ve also come across a few men that own there own home and look fancy on their profiles. I am financially stable, but live in an apartment. This online world has given me a whole new perspective. I want to find someone similar to me. The search continues…….

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Company.

Company.

My ex and I are having dinner tonight and he also asked if it would be okay to crash on the couch for a night or so because his uncle is in town, who he does not get along with. I know that most people would not like this, but i feel differently. Yes, he is my ex, but we are very close. We are not intimate or anything like that, but we truly like each others company. I think we both enjoy confiding in the other and we are comfortable. I have been having some low moments this week in the dating scene, so it will be really nice to be able to hang with him. He really isn’t like a lot of my other ex’s. There is no sexual energy or anything, it is just a friendship that I enjoy.

I am going to the state fair all day tomorrow with my best friend which I am excited about too! I thought we would have the whole day together, but she just told me that her boyfriend is going to come too. I don’t really know him, so I guess it will be an opportunity to see how he is really like. I just hope that I end up not being a third wheel. I will try to post pictures for all to see!

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Must Love Cats.

Must Love Cats.

There is not a huge amount of things that I am that passionate about. I love things, I do….but not too many things that I would fight for. My cats are the exception. I have three. From left to right in the picture is Cricket, Chewie and Spider. Cricket is the oldest at 8, Spider is 6 and Chewie is my baby, just over a year old. My ex and I adopted Chewie together, but we both knew that if we were to break up, he would remain with me. One of the things that I loved about my ex is that he loved my cats like they were his own. He knew all their quirks and lived with them. When Spider had bathroom issues, he would grumble and clean it up just like I would have. I would never in a million years choose a man over my cats. I realize that may sound harsh to some, but my cats are always here with me. They don’t make me cry and they will never leave me. I adopted them and they will remain with me until the day that they pass or should I pass. My friends and family know that my biggest worry if I were to die is what would happen to my babies. I have faith that they would go to live with a member of my family or someone that I would trust. They truly make me so happy and I think of them constantly. One of the things that I look for when dating is someone who will love my cats like I do. I would not date a man who hated cats. They are my loves and I would never let a man come in between us.

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Run Away

Run Away

This morning I had something happen that has happened before and I’m just not sure why men feel the need to do this. So, after a couple of dates with the same guy, he was clearly just moving incredibly too fast. He basically was talking about love, feelings, kids and moving in together which I am NOWHERE NEAR ¬†ready for. However, I listened to him talk about all of these things and where he thought our relationship was heading. He just seems so in love with me so fast. I need more time, but I am enjoying our time together.
Fast Forward to this morning, I got a 5 page text basically saying “he is confused and good luck with my search on finding someone”. I am shocked. Not because I had feelings for him, but because I feel duped, once again. This is not the first time I have encountered this and I just am baffled. Why say all of these “future” type plans of love and marriage, when you are not feeling them?
I am okay though. I still feel I am not ready for another relationship anyway, but this just warns me of all of the crazy people that are out there.

Run away man-child. I don’t need you in my life!

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Hi! Want to have my baby?

Hi, I'm Heidi.  Want to have my baby?

The dating world is definitely an interesting one. I have been going on a few dates with the same guy, who seems pretty nice, when a very interesting topic came up. Kids. Most guys will run at the thought of even talking about children. He said that he is 41 and he would really like a child at some point, I agreed and said that I would to. But then i followed it up with saying this.

me- Yeah, but what do you do…introduce yourself and say “lets have kids”?

him- Why not? I don’t see a problem with that if that is what you want and that is what I want. Why can’t two people who are near the end of their child bearing stage, who knows exactly what they want express that to each other?

me- So, you would be perfectly ok if i looked at you right now and asked do you want to have a child with me?

him- Yes, absolutely, because that is what i want too.

WHOA! Wow…. um… what do i say to this? I totally understand his point. No time to waste….but how scary is that? I’ve been pondering over the entire conversation all weekend long. I just do not even know how to process it. I don’t even know this person yet. Is this what dating when you are older is like? Fast decision making before the time has passed? *sigh*

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This little heart of mine….

This little heart of mine....

I find myself more guarded these days. More careful and selective on who I want into my life. I’ve been hurt way too many times and I just don’t know if this heart could handle another disappointment. Sometimes I wish that I could just somehow turn off my heart emotions and only use my brain. Easier said than done. My “meet up” date the other day went well. I found myself making a mental list of things that I liked and things that I do not like. I enjoy talking to someone new, but am just not sure if it is a match or not. He likes to talk on the phone a LOT and I am just not into it. His nervous jibber jabber turns into a “talk -a- mile- a -minute” blur, to the point where I can not even understand what he is saying. However, I can not make a clear judgement quite yet. Another date is in the works. My heart still cries for my ex though. We still talk on a regular basis and I just really wish that it could have turned out differently, but I know this decision was the best one. I finally have been enjoying my alone time again with my cats and with my friends. Next week my bestie is taking the whole day off so that we can go to the state fair together. I SO need this as we have not been spending a lot of time together. Our busy lives have gotten in the way. I am healing and doing better. Accepting each day as it comes and trying new friendships out. Only time will tell what is in store for me!

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Moving Forward

Moving Forward

At some point, everyone, including myself, has to move on. It has been a little over a month and a half since the break up. I really have/had no intention on meeting anyone. It is funny how everyone has an opinion on the matter.

“It’s too soon”,
“be alone for awhile”
“take time”.

No one really knows how I feel or how he feels. Every break up is different and every relationship is different. I’ve been talking to someone new on the phone and through text for a few days. He wants to meet. I am terrified. I already am comparing him to my ex and being quite critical. He has passed my qualification checklist test. I think I should meet him. We could be friends, I could hate him or he could be the love of my life. But, I will never know unless I be brave, put myself out there and Move FORWARD!

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I’m a Loner, Dottie

I'm a Loner, Dottie

It is interesting how different I am when I am in a relationship Vs Single. When I am in a relationship, I am an intense planner. I like to know when, where, why and how we are going somewhere. I guess it is my way of always having a connection with my partner. When I am single, I like to play it by ear. I do make plans, but then sometimes regret it because I would rather be alone when the day arrives. I also like to leave myself completely open in case my mind changes or I want to go elsewhere on a whim. When I am single, I also have realized that I really love to go to movies all by myself. I can pick the movie I want. I don’t have to wait for anyone else to arrive and I can eat my popcorn in peace. I really DO enjoy being in a relationship and I really DO enjoy doing things with my friends when I am in the mood. But sometimes, I DO just like being alone enjoying my own company.
I’m a Loner, Dottie, A Rebel.

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One of the Good Guys

One of the Good Guys

While talking to my ex on the phone yesterday, we started talking about OKCupid. It is a free dating site that we are both openly on. I actually “ran” into his profile last week. It is interesting because he continually says he does NOT want a relationship and is NOT actively looking….but there he is online lying that he is looking. Or he is lying that he isn’t looking. Regardless, I can’t fully believe anything he says so who knows what the real truth is. In talking to him, I told him that I think it is easier for men in the “dating world”. Women are more likely, in my opinion, to give a man a chance if he is overweight or not exactly what she is looking for look wise. We are more open to try different guys out. I feel men on the other hand, are not as willing to give us a chance. I’ve read a countless amount of profiles from men that say if you are overweight at all, don’t even message them. After telling my ex this, he proclaimed that all the assholes of the dating world make it really hard for the guys that are the “good guys”, meaning he is one of the good guys. I do think my ex is a nice guy, but in his relationships, he lies. He also has a hard time not talking to other women via email/chat/facebook while he is in a relationship. He also lies to make you happy and is quite selfish. Do all of these things make him one of the “good guys”? I informed him of that and also told him that he is still currently lying on his profile that he created. I have lost most hope in the dating world. ¬†Everyone looks like a dream online, but we all know that usually isn’t the case.

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