Crazy Kitty Love

Confessions of a cat lady…..

I am a wife now

Just-Married-1440x1280

With all of the excitement of my weight loss surgery on the horizon, I forgot to mention to my blog that I got married.   August 22, 2015 we drove up to Reno & made a commitment to each other.   We were just going to go alone, but my best friend and her boyfriend ending up coming too!   Dreams of a large wedding & our families being there were awesome…but the stress & the ticket price that went along with those dreams just weren’t worth it to me.   We have been together a little under two years & just felt that we wanted to do it as low key & as low priced as possible.  So, we did just that.  We laughed through the entire speech that came before our vows.  I think we are both nervous gigglers, so it was funny.

I am a wife now & I have a husband but I think it still hasn’t sank it quite yet.  It is very surreal as it seems like this is what i have wanted most of my life.  I think the strangest thing is my name change.  It is odd to go 39 years with an identity & then with minutes, a new identity is mine.   Signing my name looks like a toddler wrote it.   But overall, I love my husband and am glad that we decided to take this step.

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Mind Games of Hunger

hungry-bot

Every time I start a new diet  new way of eating, I feel like I am starving to death!   Clearly, I am not…but the feelings are so overwhelming.  I just want to stick anything in my mouth without having to worry about the nutritional value of it.  I know that these are mind tricks that my cruel brain has conjured up to tempt me.  The amount of times that I think about food in one day is ridiculous.  The hardest part of this journey will be mentally for sure.   The old Korn song A.D.I.D.A.S (all day i dream about sex) has been non stop in my head, but replace sex with food.

A.D.I D.A.F

All Day, I dream about food and all day i dream about food.

Anyway, this 1200 calorie thing has made it through the week so far and I plan of keeping it up.  I just hope that i see some results.  On sunday, i am going to pre plan my meals for the work week and follow the exact Kaiser guidelines of Protein, Non starchy veg, fruit and 1 fat & see how that plays on.   I am 19 lbs away from surgery.

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Orientation Step 2 & Surgeon Consult Step 3

Step two for my Gastric sleeve procedure was to attend the 4 hour orientation at Kaiser.   They gave us a big binder with LOTS of information to digest.  We also met a nutritionist and one of the surgeons.   The four hours flew by and it seems like Kaiser has an excellent program for us to follow.   Next step was to meet with my surgeon & find out how much weight he wants me to lose before a surgery is scheduled.

Step three is to meet with my surgeon Dr. Grinberg.  I was a little nervous because I felt like as soon as I had this meeting, it would be so final on what surgery I would have & that I would really need to start the agonizing task of losing pre surgery weight.   He was very nice, approved of my sleeve suggestion & said that he would like for me to lose 19 lbs before surgery.   I am to follow a 1200 calorie diet that is out lined in the binder that they had given me.  He didnt give me a timeline, but said that it wasnt a race…..but that he also didnt want me taking 6 months to a year either.  I need to get this done.  I HAVE to lose this weight.  I have a group nutritionist appointment in a week or so, I am hoping that I can just buckle down and do it.

white cat

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Weight Loss Surgery- Step 1 Informational Seminar

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About 6 years ago, I attended a weight loss surgery seminar at Kaiser and left thinking it was not for me.   Last night, I attended one again and am convinced at this time that it is a very good option for me.  I joined a support group not that long ago on Facebook and love that I can see all different aspects of folks experiences Pre Op and Post Op and love all of their encouraging photos on their weight loss.   Weight loss surgery is NOT the easy way out by any means.  There is a lot of work involved every step of the way.  My next step is to attend a 4 hour orientation which i hope to have scheduled soon once my Doctor sends over the referral.  I am very interested in having the gastric sleeve procedure done and am hoping that my surgeon agrees and that I get approved through my insurance.  I will have to lose about 30 lbs prior on my own and have extensive classes before I will get to a surgery date.  It is very scary as I am relatively healthy and have never had any type of surgery done before.  But at the same time, it is very exciting to possibly have a tool to really help me lose the weight and to keep it off.  I will keep this blog updated every step of the way !

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Engaged

engaged

Well,  I am engaged.   I guess you could say that a lot has happened in the two years since my last post.   I found love on the internet, we moved in together, & now i am engaged.  He also has two teenagers….that’s a whole new world in itself!   We have our ups and downs, but most of all I can’t imagine life without him.      We have 5 cats, a fish names Rupert, 2 teenagers and love.  What else could we want?     A house!  Yes, a house…. hopefully we can invest in one in the next few years and get away from apartment life.  That would be amazing!

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Chasing Love- updated

Chasing Love

I’ve been quiet lately, I know. I just figured that there will be times i blog and times i don’t. But overall, I tend to blog about love and broken hearts.

About 3 weeks ago, I met a new guy. He is great and we clicked almost immediately…however, I just wasn’t really attracted to him. After our first date, I told him that I wasn’t ready to kiss and wanted to take it slow. This is unusual for me. We texted a LOT day and night, but i still kept my distance a tad in saying anything too forward. After a few dates, we kissed and a little more, but still no sex. I kept my word that I wasn’t ready. He really liked me, I could tell and I started to become a lot more attracted to him. Every morning at 7:40, he sends me a good morning text. I really like this guy. He was married before, has a child, has lost a ton of weight, so I knew that he had life experiences that were good and that HE is a good person. Last week, sex just happened. A few days later, he got sick, then had a fight with his roomie and his daughter was coming in town. He is beyond stressed. Then 7:40 came and left with no text. Texts became less and less. A day has not gone by where we didn’t communicate, but it was still noticeably less. When he has his daughter all of his time is devoted to her, so I knew we wouldn’t really see each other over the weekend. So….last night we talked on the phone for awhile and i addressed all of my concerns. He says that he has a lot of his plate and is super stressed and that we had sex too soon and he is freaking out a bit. What does that EVEN mean?? I put up such a wall at first. I almost feel like I just can’t win when it comes to the whole sex thing. He is one of those people who shuts everyone out when he is stressed about stuff, so he said he isn’t quite sure when he would be ready to see me again. But then we also started talking about future plans and how i would meet his daughter one day. This is all so very confusing to me. I really like this guy now. It is funny how when i was aloof and unsure, he was chasing me like a maniac and the minute i had a change of heart to really let him in, he has backed away. This whole cat and mouse game is something that I’ve yet to master.

UPDATE-  Well, i just got the infamous ” I can only offer friendship at this time” text message.  What the fuck!?    Is this my CURSE?   SUCH a disappointment.

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For me.

For me.

There are very few times that I make large purchases, especially for myself. I bend over backwards to help my partners when i am in a relationship & if i am being honest, I should NEVER have to buy them something. But I have dated some needy men, most without jobs and whom take advantage of me. So, in this time of being single, I am trying to take care of me! I really have been wanting a new couch for awhile and I’ve been eyeing this one for quite some time. So, i bought it. I saved my money and walked in a purchased myself a couch and it FEELS GREAT! I had to order it, so i don’t exactly have it in my possession yet, but i will soon enough. Yay for me!

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Torn

Torn

It has been awhile since I have posted. I have been busy with life. Still dating, but nothing seems to be working out. There has been one from the beginning (remember the guy that changed my tire?) that has got a grip on me. We have such a spark and connection but he can’t offer anything more than a “thing” here and there. He really does need to get his shit together because we would be great together. I feel as if I have already fallen for him, yet i am TRYING to keep an open mind. Does “Friends with Benefits” ever end up working?? I dunno. Until someone else sweeps me off of my feet I will just try and have fun. I know what i really want deep down. But maybe i just want it too much. Maybe if i step back and just try to go with the flow for once things may work in my favor. Here is to hoping anyway!

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Bronte

I pulled out my GOTYE CD again the other day. I used to listen to it non stop. This song gets me EVERY TIME. I cried this morning on the way to work. Pretty much any time i listen to it, it makes me sad. Listen to the words. I seen an interview where they explain the meaning behind it. It is about a friend that had to put their dog to sleep. I think of my cats every time i hear it. The song itself is really pretty. I just love it.

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Age

Age

Let’s call the new guy “26”, because that is how old he is. I am 37. Initially when he messaged me on the dating website saying that he was interested in me, I sent a very polite “thanks, but no thanks” back to him. I told him that he was so much younger than me and out of my age range. He continued to message me telling me how much he was interested in getting to know me. A week went by of messages. He was charming, so I agreed to meet for coffee. From the minute he walked in the door, I liked him. He was quirky, fun and talked really fast. He swears, like everyone else, that I am not 37. Most people peg me to be around 30. I’ll take it. I can be immature, wear funky mis-matched clothes, make inappropriate jokes and tend to be on the odd side. I can also act my age, if need be. I’ve seen him 3 times since and we are supposed to go to San Francisco on Friday to the zoo, which we both seem really excited about. I am not holding my breath. I’ve been screwed over so many times that I just wait for the crappy text about “needing more time” or “I’m not ready” or “you aren’t the one”. They always come. But eventually one person will stick. They won’t send that message and will have no intention on doing so. I want that so bad. I want to be wanted. I want someone to be around me as much as I enjoy being around them. Eventually, it will happen.  Until then, I will just enjoy this.  Meeting new people & having interesting stories to relay to my friends.  🙂

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